Andrea vs spoken English

We, Italian people, are known for our funny accent. Nintendo designed Mario and Luigi to speak as an Italian person and we learned to speak English from them: we speak english words as we would speak them in Italian.
Do you want some examples? Try Peter Griffin speaking Italian or try Berlusconi speaking English.

It is easy to find out which one is a fictional character.

Anyway, I like traveling and, obviously, I have to speak English. I actually like speaking English. The problem is: my spoken English is heavily influenced by my mother tongue. Sometimes I do not even understand what people are saying. Even worse: I understand something completly different. This could be (and, in fact, it is) funny.

Ladies and gentlemen, I proudly introduce you to "Andrea's most misunderstood statements".

It seems fish but...
What they said: "Look at this plate: it's all fish!"
What I understood: "Look at this plate: it's old fish"
(after people with me stopped laughing and reapeted the statement)
What I understood: "Look at this plate: it's owl fish"

Burn baby burn, disco inferno
What they asked: "Why do you want to go to the Sea Turtles Camping?"
What I answered: "Because I want to see the turtles burn"
What I had in mind: "Because I want to see the turtles born"
How they reacted: "What's wrong with you?!"
Note: there were no turtles at the Sea Turtle Camping. And no, that's not because someone burned them before me.

You need a bed to sleep but you also need...
What I wanted on my bed: sheets.
What I asked to my Aussie friend: "Have we got the shits on our beds?"

Popular Millencolin's song: Penguins & Polar...
I have some problems pronouncing these three words

• beers
• bears
• beards

So, do not look weirdly at me if I ask you if you like growing your bear (beard) or if there are beers (bears) in Sweden.

You can jump on a ship but...
...it is better if you do not jump on a sheep. This caused a lot of laughs when I asked to my Aussie friend (again him) if he planned to come to Italy on a sheep (obviously I meant a ship).

Great achievements deserve great prizes
Talking about world known prizes someone named the Nobel prize.
What they said: "He won the Nobel prize for peace"
What I understood: "He won the Nobel prize for piss"

That's all, folk. And remember: when you find a poor, lost Italian person wandering in your country, remember to speak slowly and try to not scare him with words he could misunderstand. Imagine asking to have a beer (bear) while the crew finishes to load the sheets (shits) on the ship (sheep). That would be funny.